This is Kendall at one day old. One itty bitty day old. She was innocent, well-behaved, and resting peacefully.
Like all babies, this lasted for a few months. She slept. She ate. She pooped. She cried. She repeated this day after day. Then, she started to get quite the little personality. And this personality has always been on the funny side mixed with a little spunk and maybe a little bad behavior.
She started off small with a stuck out tongue. That's not so bad. We can handle that "bad" behavior.
She quickly graduated to hittin' the bottle. Don't worry. The can was closed. It was cold and she was teething. Trailer park teething ring, folks. Pull your shirt down, girl. Who are your parents?!
Foul language soon followed. Since she couldn't talk at this point, she needed to use sign language. Unbelievable. Seriously, where are her parents? I can't believe they would let this type of behavior slide.
Soon, she started breaking all conventional rules. I would say, "No, Kendall. We do NOT climb the dishwasher." She would say, "I DO WHAT I WANT!"
She made messes. She threw bowls everywhere. Obviously, she didn't care at all about safe food handling instructions. She would lick those bowls and put them right back in the cabinet to be used by an unsuspecting person. Evil.
The rule breaking escalated through time. When most kids were busy sliding down the slide, she yelled, "I WILL NOT CONFORM TO YOUR RULES, SOCIETY! I WANT TO CLIMB UP THE SLIDE! TRY TO STOP ME! I DARE YOU!"
She continued her disregard for the rules of safety. She would climb whatever she could, laughing all the way, "Muah ha ha! I can't be stopped!"
Her behavior got uncontrollable. She began undressing in public and turning off surround sound systems. It looked like there is no saving this one. She was a lost cause. Another one slipped through the cracks. Once they start disrupting Jeopardy! there is no going back. Sorry, Kendall. We tried our best.
She started stealing scooters. She didn't care if she was seen. No one could stand up to her and win. Not with those chubby baby legs. Avery's upper body strength could not beat the sheer force of Kendall's legs.
She eventually was apprehended. She was sentenced to a long, cold, snowy winter indoors. Here she began rehabilitation. She stopped pushing buttons and climbing things and began to follow the rules. She hasn't needed a cold teething ring beer can in ages and now uses her words instead of hand gestures. She still plays with the bowls, but has stopped licking them. Everything seemed to be heading down the right track....that is, until today. Today, she started back on her path of destruction.
This morning, at 10:25, while in her crib for what was suppose to be her morning nap, Kendall bent approximately three lengths of her amazingly beautiful and ridiculously expensive Wal-Mart brand window blinds. Her fate is yet to be determined. Her sentence may be extended throughout the rainy and muddy spring. She faces the judge tonight when he returns home from work.
I bet she gets off easy. All she will have to do is say the only two words that are always audible, "HI DADDY!"
Her sentence will probably be extra kisses and maybe an M&M but NO book before bed tonight, for that hardened criminal!
That was really funny!
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